Worried

When I became a mom, I learned the true meaning of "worry". When they're newborns, you worry if they are getting enough sleep, enough to eat. You check the crib several times a night to make sure they're breathing.

When they enter the infant and toddler stage, you worry about them putting something dangerous in their mouths, or getting a hold of something they shouldn't. You worry about them falling when they start standing and walking, and worry about every little cough and sniffle. Fevers are a nightmare, especially if those fevers come on with no other symptoms.

Like every other good mother out there, I do everything I can to keep my children safe and happy. I comfort and nurture them when sick. I cuddle and snuggle them when they are crabby. I play silly games and do crazy dances around the house to make them smile. I rock them when they are scared. And I worry. I worry about weird diseases that they will never catch, and about injuries that will never happen.

This time, I have reason to worry. Alexis had her one year check-up today. I noticed the doctor really paying attention to her forehead. Since she was a little baby, she has always had a ridge on her forehead. I never thought it a thing I needed to worry about...until today. As the pediatrician was gently rubbing my fussy baby's head, I asked her if it was something I SHOULD be worried about. She calmly stated that she has always noticed the ridge, but that it is definitely becoming more pronounced as she gets older. I'm worried...about a little thing called metopic craniosynostosis. Basically, the pediatrician is suspicious that her metopic suture (the one that starts at the nose and goes to the top of the head, where it meets the saggital suture) has fused shut. She needs too have a CT scan. If the CT shows a fusion, or any kind of pressure on the brain, we will then have to meet with a pediatric neurologist. Our pediatrician wanted to make sure we had the very best technologist available, so she is looking at the schedule and will set us up early next week for the scan. Until then, I worry...

I debated even posting this, but it helps to "write it out". Life isn't always sunshine and roses. We'd be silly to believe that it is. So why not post about the not so fun stuff? I feel more stressed and tense than I have in a long time. I don't like the feeling of having something to really worry about. I know I should be thanking my lucky stars that my baby is still happy and healthy, and that even if she does end up having this weird thing going on, it is treatable. But let's face it...who likes the thought of their child's head being cut open and their skull being operated on? I know I'm getting ahead of myself...but I worry.

Kendra has also given me reason to worry. Today she was diagnosed with chicken pox. I know this is nothing to worry about, but I hate when my kiddos are sick. I know she'll be fine, and in a week or two you will never know anything was ever wrong. But she's sick. She has a fever. She's uncomfortable. So...I worry.

The pediatrician has also given me yet another reason to worry. In three months, she will be moving. I love our pediatrician. My kids love their doctor. She's seen Kendra since she was three months old, and Alexis since birth. I worry that we won't love her replacement as much, though she assures us we will. I worry about continuity of care. I'm sure we'll love the new one just as much, but...I worry.

I'm sure everything will be fine, but until I know for sure, all I have to do is worry.